This week has been amazing. Amazing, reviving, freezing and incredible.
The start of this week was difficult. Everything was becoming too much. I felt so overwhelmed, stuck in the past, even though not much was going on. Brains are just troublesome sometimes.
Mid-week, the field trip for my Terrestrial Ecology class begun. It was for measuring species abundance, distribution and basal area across two different forests in the middle of nowhere. We measured and calculated hundreds of plants, saw wetas and the cutest birds, hiked through a heck of a lot of forest, climbed a mountain, and had an amazing time.
(A Tomtit! Image sourced from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/stevex2/13985720272)
Being within the stillness and peace of the forest was wonderful, and exactly the change I needed. The sunsets and night skies were so beautiful too; we even saw the Milky Way with the most incredible stars!
It was super cold too. We had to wear multiple thermal layers, jackets, so many pairs of leggings that we were waddling, and hiking boots for days.
We had such beautiful conversations. We talked about relationships, friendships, mental illnesses, grades, therapy and everything inbetween. At one moment, a friend called me over because we had just received some of our grades back, and us being in a very similar boat brainwise, we talk about how we feel about our tests together. She had done quite well, I hadn’t, but honestly, this talk gave me a whole new outlook. We talked about how it was just one test, one small number, and in a few weeks from now I won’t even be thinking about it. We ended on our grades don’t define us, and heck, I feel so at peace.
We had so much fun too. I hadn’t laughed so much in a long time. I feel so much closer to all my university friends, and even made some new ones too. This is all sounding so cliche, but it’s all so true.
Looking back on how things used to be, this trip was full of differences. In the past, I wouldn’t have even been able to go. The anxiety would have paralysed me, panic attacks would have taken over. Or I wouldn’t have had enough energy to even physically get out of bed. Or I would have been too addicted to blades to venture away. But here, I went. I had the most incredible, wholesome time. I ate with all my friends, and had a pretty good relationship with eating and my body. I overheard a few other people talking about their diets or their body, and would just think, that sucks to be stuck thinking those things, when there is so many more exciting things to be thinking about. There is so much more living to do.
To just get away from everything, to have a new perspective, it has made me so happy. I feel so free. I can see how far away I am from who I was for so many years. I never thought I would get here. I have so much hope for the future.
This playlist is from the driving songs we sung to throughout our adventures, and some songs that have the same vibe. It’s still very short, but I have heaps to add to it:
– Lightning Crashes by Live
– Electric Feel by MGMT
– All Star by Smash Mouth
– Time to Pretend by MGMT
– Walking on a Dream by Empire of the Sun
– Alive by Empire of the Sun
– You can call me Al by Paul Simon
– Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus
– Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John
– What you know by Two Door Cinema Club
– Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club
– Glad you came by The Wanted
– Chasing the Sun by The Wanted
– Windows Down by Big Time Rush
– Happy Pills by Weathers
There seems to be a common theme here!
I am so happy and so excited about life, about what I get to study, about the future.
For now, it’s so nice getting to shower, sleep in my own bed, and wear normal clothes. But I can’t wait for future adventures (they are already being planned)!
Love & light,